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bored kconiw
God. Why is it that when he disappoints you, it's so easy for you to forgive him, but when it's me, you just can't let go of your anger? I'm so sick and tired of this, of feeling this way every time we have a disagreement. Aren't I your child as well? Why does he get to be babied all the time, and yet you have such a hard time treating me like the child I am, the child I still feel I am? It is because I'm the older one that I get treated this way, because you think I should always be responsible and good and perfect? I'm not, and I hope that someday you realize that I'm not perfect. I hope someday you finally allow me to commit mistakes and not -look- at me that way, like I'm such a big disappointment and that you can't believe I CAN commit mistakes. I'm human, ma. I'm just human, and it hurts so much every time I fall that you're not there to help me back up. Instead, you're on the sidelines, sneering at me for committing those mistakes. God. My achievements never seem to satisfy you, nothing is ever good enough. The words you tell me don't match your actions; telling me that you're proud of me when you clearly are not, telling me that your satisfied of my accomplishments when you so clearly envy other people's children when they boast of honors and awards and medals. I'm sorry I never got you that 1st honor award, or that gold medal, I'm sorry that I was never ever ever that good, that smart, that holy, that-that perfect. I'm sorry I'm not the daughter you wanted, and I'm sorry for being me. I just wish that you can be sorry too, for treating me like I'm always NOT GOOD ENOUGH. That when
I make mistakes it's like the end of the world.

Sometimes I envy them - those people who have such supporting parents. Good for them, right? Well, whatever. I'm stuck with you and you're stuck with little old imperfect me. We just have to deal with each other then. I just wish that someday.. someday, you realize how much this kind of treatment from you - the special treatment for my brother, the comparisons with other people's children, disregarding the things that I love and am proud of as trivial and unnecessary - has affected me and my emotions. That this kind of treatment from you has led me to be this dysfunctional little turd who can't seem to treat other people right, the way they deserve. I love you, yet you make me want to hate you so much.

God. All this over a pair of ruined sneakers.
bored kconiw
New icon. guheheheh. it's going to be there a while, thanks to the developments in Bleach. I don't know whether to hug Kubo or kick him in the nuts for teasing us like this. Damn you, man, but you really have it down - stringing along the fangirls and feeding from their fantasies, that is.

Anyway, I guess I haven't posted anything in a while here, huh? That's cause.. well, I guess aside from not having enough time to blog anymore, I've also ran out of things to say, topics to discuss (what with that sem-long stint with comm trends and styles... XD). Still, I've been doing non-stop what I do best in LJ - lurking around in communities and downloading stuff without commenting. >D Evil.

Currently trying not to gag at the show the folks are watching. Haha, good thing I've yet to eat dinner, or else there really would be barf all around me right now. Buckets and buckets. Knee-high barf flood. Worthy of Noah's ark, even.

Geez, I sound drunk.

Can anyone get drunk from drinking champagne? Not the sparkly-icky-sweet stuff, mind you, but the reddish one. I.. finished half a bottle, because no one here wanted it anymore. That, and the refrigerator was too full to accommodate it. Stupid adults not being able to hold their liquor. Stupid me for liking the stuff when it's too sweet and grape-smelling.

Haha, guess if I'm not just a wee drunk, then I'm at least definitely buzzed. :3 (Proof of it is that I've been misspelling stuff ever since I started typing... like, one out of every four words).

Not that I make a habit of doing this. It's just that... it's Christmas. Or near Christmas. Anyway, that's not really what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to talk about Uryuu's revival... gosh, so pretty. Not that I didn't squeal like a total pig when they showed grownup!Ichigo and finalform!Ichigo, but just WOW. Ishida looks so... pretty. Like, girl-pretty. Even prettier than Hime now (and Hime looks fine, wow! XD Everyone's grown up so well!).

And that last two pages! ICHIISHI anyone? XD

I guess... there's a lot to it, growing up. I mean, I've been growing up since I popped out of my mother's womb, but I can't count on my fingers the times I've had problems with growing up and change. It just seems so strange, so hard to cope sometimes, that I can't help but wish I was still in the yesterdays. You'd think that after almost two decades of constant change I'll already be used to it, but no, I'm not. It never gets easier, no matter how repetitive it's all gotten.

I miss high school. I miss the times when I didn't need anyone to survive, didn't need to care so much about friends and acquaintances and alliances. Politics and sucking up to people. Making good and being good to other people so you don't get eaten alive. I miss being able to say what I really want to say without thinking how much it would hurt other people - shallow and the not so shallow, just speaking my mind without worrying how much it would cost me to do so.

I suppose that's maturity for you - finally learning tact and actually using it. But I guess I wasn't made for that, since everytime I try to practice tact, I end up feeling disappointed with myself and just plain uncomfortable. I always end up wishing I just continued on not caring so much what other people would think about me instead of finally caving to peer pressure and becoming a coward.

A lot of things have happened these past few months - learning curves all of them. I've realized that I've made so many mistakes since I entered university, mistakes that I could have prevented if I hadn't been so naive and so.. stupid. God, all of this is just so stupid. Why do we have to be this way, this complicated, when there's an easy solution to everything? Or maybe that's just me thinking things are easy, I don't know. I don't know anymore, god. I wish I knew. I wish I knew why I'm rambling, spouting non-sense and drunk on red grape champagne.

God, I have to fix myself. Fix, fix, fix. Right. Because people are expecting something - someone else, and not this mopey, crazy rambling person I've turned to. I have to fix myself and present myself to people in about a week, so I really have to up my game. Or up the ante, which ever expression is the correct one. I have to be like Uryuu; ever adapting and not staying static. Not stuck in limbo like some. I have to get better. Better, better, better.

I wish I knew what to do. I wish I wasn't so afraid of the future, of what will happen to me after graduation, if I do make it that far. I wish I was so confident in the support of my friends, but sometimes I can't help but think that they are also preoccupied with their own fears and concerns, so much that they can't help me with mine. I wish I just knew, just suddenly have an epiphany about my future, about my life, about my decisions. I wish it were easy. I wish.

But it's not.

And suddenly, the end is upon me, and it's this big looming deadline over the horizon. I want to reach it, but at the same time, I want to stay as far away from it as possible. But I don't want to be stuck in the middle either, and it's all getting me confused and bothered. Why do I have to think this way? Why am I thinking about things so much? Curse being idle.

ARGH. Deep breaths, deep breaths. What would Uryuu do? Probably go out and shoot some hollows in the nuts to let up some stress. Can't exactly do that, but I guess what it really means is to just ride the wave out and see the ride through. After which... just wait for the end of it all, I guess. Ride it all out to the end. Fantastic.

I hate worrying. It gets me constipated.

God, this sucks.

ANYWAY, back to the good side of this post! Bleach was pretty dull, except for the pretty make overs we never really got to see before. I mean, Chad and Inoue were only mentioned in the narration, and we only got to see Ishida's back for like, one panel. So it was a nice surprise to see Inoue and Ishida in this week's chapter.

Inoue... looks like a pop star. Like an idol, to quote that random one-time character in this chapter. She turned really pretty over the time lapse, even prettier than Matsumoto, I'd wager. Of course, we get a pretty show of her assets, as is classic Kubo. I'm so stunned, I don't even know what face to make. owo

Ishida... where do I start? Still slim and sexy as always. I'd imagine he's still as pale, too. But damn, WHAT THE HELL is with the girly look? I mean, sure he looked really pretty before, all bishounen-y and shit, but just wow! Just.. Just.. look at my icon! Wait, wait, my icon doesn't do him any justice, just just go look at the stupid chapter already!!! And it helps that the momentum at the time he appears is so.. charged with the suppressed emotions of a character that's been AWOL for like 1000000000+++ chapters without any reason to be (just that Kubo probably forgot to draw him in alongside the other main-but-not-really characters). HAAAAAAAH, Ishida, you're the man. As always. XDDD

And it really really really helps that the chapter he appeared in also had Ichigo in it... actually interacting with him! OR about to, anyway. Whatever, I bet Chad's going to appear next. Wonder how he looks like now.

So yeah, that was my bleach rant. Wow, I missed chapter ranting a lot! Didn't even know how much until I re-read (and consequently ignored all the errors of) the bit I just typed in before this. Go me!

Not too much to rant about in Naruto and Reborn. Naruto's Naruto just showed exactly how "blond" he's supposed to be, which was just a tad ridiculous. I mean, Kishimoto's been playing that card for how long now? Five? Ten? Twenty chapters already? -eye roll- Seriously, Kishi. Stop making him so dumb. We get it, he's.. impressionable and naive, but that doesn't mean you can make him act like a complete idiot right after you reveal that he has some kickass skills with the Kyuubi's chakra. Stop ruining Naruto's street cred, for crap's sake. It's not funny. Just be upfront and tell us that you were trying to lead us into a training sequence, geez.

And ftr, I don't think blonds are stupid because they're blonds. Stupid people who refuse to use their brains properly are stupid no matter what hair color they have.

Anyway, Reborn. Fight sequence commences and ends within a chapter, I'm impressed. That's already very fast by manga standards, specially if we're comparing this with Dragon Ball. Or Kubo. Anyway, Lambo finally kicks ass and gives away one super quote in this chapter, which is a lot, since his character's role is usually just crying like a baby and being obnoxiously loud and annoying. A shame really, since Lambo's got to be the most interesting out of all the Tsuna guardians.

So Lambo wins, and Angel!Byakuran invades Yamamoto's privates. Er, private quarters. I'm as clueless as anyone else about the angel!Byakuran, but I'm guessing that since he's been beaten, he's going to become a "friend" of the Tsuna gang as well. You know, that only ever works out at the beginning of the series, when the lead character is known to be still gathering his posse. Not when it's already at the middle of the series, and it's already a widely known fact that the enemy is indeed really an enemy. So when the enemy suddenly becomes friendly in the face of another greater enemy, it just sounds plain stupid and forced. I mean, seriously, Byakuran? BYAKURAN? FRIENDLY? : | Psychotic friendly, maybe, but as in ally friendly? I don't think so bro.

But my guess is he's going to do something to allow Yamamoto to wake up and make himself useful avenge himself.

Which makes me wonder... if Ryohei ended up with a tie, and Lambo won.. that means the other five battles (Tsuna, Gokudera, Yamamoto, Chrome and Hibari) would have to be decided in a win-lose combi, as is the custom for Japanese-type shows. So Ryohei ties, then Lambo wins. The next battle I'm guessing Chrome? Or Gokudera) would lose, definitely. Yamamoto's battle would have to be a win, since it's a revenge-type of thing. Hibari never loses, so his is a win... and of course, Tsuna never loses as well, cause he's the protagonist. The remaining battle (again, Chrome or Gokudera) would have to be either another tie or a lose. In a less confusing format:

Ryohei - tie - sure - already happened
Lambo - win - sure - already happened
Tsuna - win - sure - yet to happen
Hibari - win - sure - yet to happen
Yamaoto- win - ???? - yet to happen
Chrome - ??? - ???? - probably lose or tie
Gokudera -? - ???? - probably lose or tie

It kind of makes sense. It has to be a tie before Tsuna and Enma face off, and the only way for that to happen is for there to be a tie in the running scores. Since Vongola already has one tie and one win with four more matches remaining excluding Tsuna's, there has to be at least one lose. That leaves us with three remaining matches, which could only really end up a tie-win-lose combi. So two ties, wins and loses until the Tsuna-Enma face off, I guess. And based on the personalities of the guardians, Hibari would definitely be winning. That leaves two loses and one tie; probably Chrome, Dera and Yama in that order. I mean, Yamamoto wouldn't be revived just for he to lose, right?

Still, it wouldn't surprise me if Amano decides to, well, surprise us with something stupid, like how she did with the Byakuran saga. I'm squirming already, just imagining what she has in store for us.

So I suppose that's that for the moment. I kinda want to sleep now, so I will. Eyes drooping... hmmm..zzz..zzz...zzz
bored kconiw
A tribute to the efforts of Manikako in providing creative, artistic and tangible solutions to the ever persistent problem of child abuse in the country. We hope that Manikako never tires of their advocacy, and that this video may help in getting more people to understand and be interested in the state of child abuse in the Philippines. Video under the cut.

More than eat, sleep, and learn, a child needs to play.Collapse )
bored kconiw
Why is it that when I think I'm finally okay, I start getting all achy and breathless all over again?

: |

Not cool, health. Definitely not cool.
bored kconiw
Long list is long!Collapse )

Stolen from snapdraw_gone . I tag everyone who reads this. >D Let's make this the ultimate list, hey!

Manga meme : BOLD the ones you've read and add 3 more. Like snap, I also
added all that I could remember having read.

Long list is long~!Collapse )
bored kconiw

Music meme stolen from snapdraw_gone who stole it from rikasaurus
(1) Put your music player of choice on shuffle, and then write down the 30 songs that come up and at the end of each title add 'In My Pants'.
(2) Laugh hysterically.
(3) Pass it on.

BAD MUSIC MEME, you make me sound lewd!Collapse )
bored kconiw

a fairy king
amidst the gardens of

a fairy king
amidst the gardens of

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